Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
