considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
