I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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