wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
