Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
