his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
