Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't deserve a penis
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
