Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
