I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
