is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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