So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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