College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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