This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
