I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
