You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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