LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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