so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
