So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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