Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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