btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
