There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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