I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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