there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
