Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
