Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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