The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
