I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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