I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
