You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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