Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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