My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
