i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
