it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
