it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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