Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
