it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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