my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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