Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
