I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
