So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
