She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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