her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
