i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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