They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
