god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
