so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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