I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
