I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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