Will you blow on my dice?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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