I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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