my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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