I wish I only lived at night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
