Yo dont text me then not text me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
