Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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