hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
foreskin is a definite game changer
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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