I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize