k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize