i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
