Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
