why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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