how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
