I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
