I met the friendliest cop last night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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