you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
