I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
