the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
