is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
