then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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