if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
