I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
